January 1, 2018

Hello 2018

I guess I’ll start out by saying I 110% failed at writing here for 2017. Setting a 52 week challenge was…a challenge (for me). Either way, looking back on the (sad number of) posts I wrote, it was refreshing to have it here to read and look back on what I was doing and feeling, so that’s what I’m going to do. What a difference 365 days makes.

I was lucky to enter into 2018 with some closure that’s been swirling in my mind for the past year. Loose ends tied up (for the most part). A good financial year of being self employed. Having solid goals to work towards – personally (creating an actual plan for budgeting, student loans, retirement, etc, buying a place [what?]) and career wise (what do I want to continue to do, where do I see things going, how do I get there). A clearer path in general.

At the same time I find myself trying not to get too comfortable. I think the hardest part for me being self employed isn’t putting in the work every day without a boss or company overseeing me, it’s challenging myself. Not setting too out-of-reach goals or goals that are easily attainable. Finding that “sweet spot.” If you don’t have a manager whose able to guide you and the only person to do that is yourself, it’s hard to determine where the middle is. You have to learn to push yourself, but also not push too hard (and forgive yourself if you do). You have to learn to say yes to the right things that scare you and no to things that can cause you to burn out. They say it only takes time and to trust your gut. I’m still figuring it out, and making mistakes as I go.

Saying goodbye to 2017 has been such a relief and also…sad (now that I think of it). Lots of good things happened and I find myself still holding on to these pockets of happiness a little longer before things change and new things fill in those spaces. A lot of things also happened in the world that makes me look forward to taking with me all of the knowledge I learned last year into a new year. I’m hoping to be more mindful of what’s happening on this beautiful planet, believing kindness is always needed, and figuring out where I stand in all of this chaos.

To close it off, in the old blogging days (of my teenage years) it was “the” thing to include what music you were listening to at the end of your posts, so, for my future self: dvsn – you do. The feeling of their entire album really encapsulated the way I felt for a good portion of the end of my 2017 (also, her – every kind of way).